Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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