I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
