Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
