Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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