Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
