if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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