Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
