he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
