I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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