a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
