She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
