He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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