True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
