I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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