Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
