At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
