Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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