cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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