Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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