who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
