I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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