weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Soap is not a condiment
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
