I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
