Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
