I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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