haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
