She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i dont even know how to be here
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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