Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
