I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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