Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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