he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
