That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
