i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
