It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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