I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
