my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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