The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
