I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
