Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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