So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
