The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
