I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
