I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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