I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
