you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
