Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
