it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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