I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
