Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Terrible idea I love it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
