If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
