you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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