A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I party with great urgency now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
