He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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