...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
