I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
