So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
